How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
How does Robin Hood get from here to there?
In an “arrow plane.”
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice!
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Would you allow me Du-bai you a drink?
Girl, your really good at this catch and release thing. Every time I catch my breath around you, you make me lose it again.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Girl you must have swallowed a speaker, cause your beauty is louder than the rest
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Some bunny loves you.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Honeybee.
Honeybee who?
Honeybee a dear and open the door, please.
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.
Are those space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Are you a magician? Because you just cast a spell on me.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.