What is a teddy bear’s favorite Thanksgiving food?
Stuffing!
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
My son claims that he identifies as an ancient Greek string instrument.
Frankly, I think he's a lyre.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I once asked my grandfather how he'd lived so long
He smiled and said; "I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal every morning."
I always thought that was a little weird but he did live a long life and left a great legacy; a thriving career, loving wife, seven children, sixteen grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and a massive hole in the crematorium wall.
There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Fir sure.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress. -- Ronald Reagan
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
Me: "Siri, why am I alone?"
Siri: *opens front facing camera*
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
Even though there's no ball game on tonight, we can still slam it.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
I want you for myself like Newfoundland has its own time zone.
My Spotify sucks. It showed me the hottest singles, and missed you out!
I like you a latte.
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put ewe and I together.
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.