I’d hike every trail in the world if I had you next to me.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
Girl, are you fries? Because I would like you at my side.
Isabella Isabeauty for sure
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."
"Dear Brother of Mine"
Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine,
You're just a year older,
which is perfectly fine.
There's no reason,
to worry nor stress.
Just relax,
and go play some chess.
I'm not saying,
your birthday should be boring.
You wouldn't want,
your guests to start snoring.
But keep in mind,
this day is all yours.
So forget about,
doing those chores.
Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine.
Enjoy your birthday,
the next one is mine.
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
I was getting a record player down from a shelf and it dropped on my head!
But it didn't effect me
It didn't affect me
It didn't affect me
It didn't affect me...
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
So tell me Ian, what’s the most Ian-teresting thing about you?
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
Could I get your number so I can take you out to dinner Anna movie?
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
Once I visited France,
And learned a new, awesome dance.
I twirled,
And I swirled,
And then I lost my pants.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.