What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Your name must be Candy- cuz you look so sweet.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
“I’m giving thanks that we don’t have to go through this for another year.” — Adele Larson, “Home for the Holidays”
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
You may have crossed fifty
But mum says you are still nifty
You may have aged a bit
But young, is your spirit
You may have become weaker
But in your mind, you are stronger
Here’s a birthday wish for a dad
Who by heart, is still a teenage lad.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
If I had a nickel for every time my wife says that I spend money on frivolous things, I would have enough money to buy miniature golf clubs for my shower caddy.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
"My Sweet Aunt Mabel"
There is my sweet Aunt Mabel
sitting across the table
ever since her divorce
she eats like a horse
so we put her up in a stable.
– Michael Wise
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
Hey baby, you got any diseases? Want some?
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Get in the swim this summer.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
"Egg-ceedingly good, wouldn't you say?"
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
World is vast and wide.
So much out there to explore.
Right now, let's eat lunch.
"Here for the right riesling."
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopedias.
Source: Wikipedia
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.