What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
Why didn’t the flamingo cross the road?
Because he’s not a chicken.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
If I asked you out, could the answer be Ameli-yeah?
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
How about a kanga-root?
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
Just like I never play with poop, I promise you that I will never play with your heart.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
If you're here for pee jokes, urine luck.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Is your name Summer? It has to be, because you're hot!
I had an instant connection with someone in South Korea. I think they're my Seoul mate.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
Whenever I saw the beautiful smile on your face, my heart jumps like a happy little kangaroo.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Why did the chicken use a bridge to cross the road?
He wanted to take the high way.
Hey girl, do you ref during the playoffs? Cause you look like you can swallow a whistle.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-ful.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
"Trouble"
Better never trouble Trouble
Until Trouble troubles you;
For you only make your trouble
Double-trouble when you do;
And the trouble-like a bubble-
That you’re troubling about,
May be nothing but a cipher
With its rim rubbed out.
– David Keppel
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.