"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
There was an Old Person of Spain,
Who hated all trouble and pain;
So he sat on a chair,
With his feet in the air,
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
You're hot enough for both of us during winter.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Hey, are you Cinderella because I see that dress disappearing at midnight.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
You’re so beautiful even the leaves fall for you.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I C Major potential in us getting together.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Did you invent the airplane? Because you seem Wright for me!
"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."
Wow, you’re gorgeous. I’m definitely in Awe-stin of you.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.
They'll kill your dog.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Are you related to the sun? Because running into you just brightened up my day!
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
Visitors are Doolin over these gorgeous views.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
I went to the butcher's the other day and asked them, how do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?
They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like a beer?”
Descartes replies, “I think not,” and promptly disappears.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.