"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Do you know how to hop? Because your body is in top form.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
Woah, that attractive field of yours is pulling me in! By any chance, are you a Van de Graaff generator?
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Have you ever worked in a hotel?
Then why are you checking me out?
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
I'm arresting you for breaking the 8th amendment because you...are excessively fine!
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Busy Cat
I'm 8 AM and time to nap
It's 10 AM and time to relax
It's 12 PM and time to doze off
It's 3 PM and time to zonk out
It's 6 PM and time to slumber
It's 9 PM and time to snooze
It's 12 AM and time to sleep
It's 4 AM and time to hang upside down
from your bedroom ceiling, screaming
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
My friend was explaining at length how he was digging holes in his backyard for water.
He was boring.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada?
Just aboot.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
“What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.”
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? By icicle.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Hey sugar-buns, do you play Center? Wanna be the center of my attention?
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.