Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug it?
Cactus
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Birch, please.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.
(Gelett Burgess)
Some people think prison is one word… but to criminals it’s the whole sentence.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Were you arrested today? It must be illegal to look so beautiful.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
I bet you don’t talk to strangers. But, if you had my number in your phone book, we wouldn’t be strangers anymore.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are devilled
- Paul Curtis
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Want to break the wishbone? I’m wishing for a date with you.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."
Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.