Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
Two pebbles washed up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
Baby I'm gonna teach you what love's all about tonight
What kind of hunt is a marriage? One where the trapped animal has to buy the license.
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What do you see? [Nothing]. That’s my life without you.
Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
You are beryllium, gold, and titanium all rolled into one. Simply BeAuTi-ful.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky!
“Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”
Erma Bombeck
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Talk literary to me.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Wanna go back to my place and save me?
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
If you can think of a better fish pun than me
Then let minnow.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.