“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
My bunny is fat
He loves to eat cabbage
No wonder he’s fat.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine.”
Hi, I'm the Easter Bunny and I don't care if you are naughty or nice!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words not mine.
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
If you can’t decide which side to take to Thanksgiving.
Bringing your side piece is guarenteed to cause drama.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making the other girls look bad.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
You’ve got beauty like Petit Champlain and curves like Bonhomme.
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.