Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
I wish you were a fish in my dish.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved!
"Bee and Bee"
The bumblebee buzzes
From flower to flower
As does the humblebee,
But with head bowed lower.
– Patrick Winstanley
When winter comes, this town turns into an iceburg.
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
There was a Young Lady of Welling,
Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
She played on a harp,
And caught several carp,
That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.
I don’t want your candy, what I really want is your number.
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
Witches are always wand-ering around…
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Hello there, how do you brew?
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Why did the chicken family cross the road?
They thought it was an egg-cellent idea.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
How much does a polar bear weigh? Less than you, I would guess.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!