Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Baby you make my telescope expand.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star War sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his lightsaber?
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
"I Can Rise And Shine"
I can rise and shine, but not at the same time,
You’ll have to pick one, or you’ll miss all the fun.
It’s the wrong side of the bed or the pounding in my head,
It must be all that beer, but there’s nothing to fear.
For despite my bad smell, I plead you not to yell,
And though I am lazy, please don’t get all crazy.
After all, I’m a man; I’m a male, just a guy,
And you knew what you were getting into when you gave us a try!
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
The Earth without 'art'...
....is 'EH'
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Are you squiding me right now?
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
Whenever I look at you I see something more desirable than chocolate.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
"We found eggs in a hopeless place."
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
If you think my Camel pose is impressive, wait until you see my Cobra.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Girl, your really good at this catch and release thing. Every time I catch my breath around you, you make me lose it again.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!