What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Is your name Misty? You look so good in the rain.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
“I think there should be holy war against yoga classes.” — Werner Herzog
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Donut
Donut who?
Donut open til Christmas!
I bet you sound like a Tasmanian Devil in bed.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
I must be the sun, and you must be earth, cause the closer we get, the hotter you become.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
You’re sledding a fine line there.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
you must be augmented cause my love for you just won't diminish!
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
Babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean Columbus sailed… and I’m lost at sea.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What's your hurry, baby? I Just want to take things Oslo.
Your heart stops when you sneeze. Kind of like what happens when I think of you.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
"Have an egg-cellent Easter."
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
"If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back."
- Chelsea Peretti
You're not just some bunny... you're my bunny.
Are you in the Library catalog? I'd love to get you're number.