Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles M. Schulz
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
I like long runs on the beach.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Where do point guards take their dates to party after the game?
To a basket ball.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
This is snow laughing matter!
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”
Unknown
I really caribou-t you.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Brianna-st, on a scale of 1-10, how perfect was that pun?
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
Damn girl, are you British?
Because you just conquered my heart
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Greece!
Greece who?
Are Greece and oil the same thing?
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You snore like a bear,
But I’m still into you.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
"You deserve better and so do I."
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind do you think Greece would help?