How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
Are you a bank loan? Because you got my interest!
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
What do German meat lovers breathe?
Hamburg-air
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Some call them opponents. We call them victims. It sounds like you have the right mindset to succeed on the court!
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
What superlative did Robert E. Lee win in high school?
Most likely to secede!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why did the cow cross the road?
So he could go to the MOO-vies.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys an extra case of beer. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough.
She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied "No they're dead."
I decided to add a water fixture to my backyard...
... it's going well
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
“Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.”
Why is it always cold during Christmas? Because its Decemburrrrrrrr.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
Why people did not like the restaurant on? Because there was literally no atmosphere.
A programmer's wife says: "Run to the store, and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Hello, eh. Girl your soft brown eyes remind me of the amazing beaver, eh.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Of all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies, I'm so lucky you walked into mine
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing