What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
There are three kinds of people in this world:
Those who can count, and those who can't.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hiking, it’s that the early bird gets the face full of spider webs.”
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
March 17 is near, and I am so excited about it. The clover it gets, the more excited I become.
Want to become my new personal best?
Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
It’s party thyme.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
I beacha miss summer already!
Won't you wear my ring up around your neck
To tell the world I'm yours by heck!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
I just want to take you out to brunch and shower you with quiches.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
"A clever person takes notice of everything; a stupid one makes a comment about everything."
- Heinrich Heine
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!