You are so cute, you’ve Lily got me hooked
Your voice is so a-do-re-ble to mi
Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
Darn Tutankhamun!
“Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.”
– George Leedy
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Hey baby, are you made up of dark matter? Because you’re indescribable.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!"
He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
“Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.”
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
"Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing."
- Austin Powers (1999)
Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart.
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
I didn’t plan on specializing, but you seem pretty special to me.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assembly… outside your bedroom window.
I know your name is Savan-nah, but if I asked you out to drinks, could that be a Savan-yeah?
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?" she asked.
"No, the regular kind."
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
If athletes can get “Athletes foot”, what can astronauts get? Missile Toe.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
I'm acorn-y person.
You’re so beautiful even the leaves fall for you.
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
If you go out with me, I promise I won’t take you for granite.
There once was a bad ghoulish goblin.
Thump, thump on a crutch he was hobblin’.
It was Halloween night.
He dared to give a fright.
But he fell to the ground; he was wobblin’.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
“Did you nap after eating the Thanksgiving meal? Or did you pass out like you were shot by a tranquilizer gun?” — Jim Gaffigan
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker