What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!

“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown

I’m a handsome prince and my sword is no trick.

Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.

A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.

“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser

Thin grippy thick slippery.

What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.

A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."

How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."

This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.

What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.

Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.

I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."

What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?

There was an Old Person of Ems,
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found
They said he was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.

We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"

We bee-long together.

Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.

Bake big batches of bitter brown bread

What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.

Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.

I think my heart just lagged.

The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.

The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.

What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!

If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.

What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”

What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.

Two tiny timid toads trying to trot to Tarrytown.

There’s nothin like a fifth grade crush.
When you see that girl it’s such a rush.

She’s playin hop-scotch with her two best friends
Her hair flowin so wild in the crisp autumn wind.

She is like an angel in your eye
Wherever she walks the sun will shine.

Her beauty is that of the most pleasant flower
Just to have one minute with her shall seem like a hour.

So go talk to her you coward,
is what you say in your mind, but all you can do is just rub your eyes.

This girl you see has got you in a trance
Your head all caught up in this puppy love romance.

So who knows just go and give it a chance.
You never know what she might think of you so just walk up to her and play it cool.

But all you can feel is the sweat dripping from your hands,
your getting all nervous, your doomed!

You have no plan!
So as you gather your courage and your chest begins to swell,

Ring! Ring! Ring!
Thank you Jesus for they have rang the bell.

(Aaron M. Delao)

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!

Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.

Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.

What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.

My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!

There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.

What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
Rags to witches story.

The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.

“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”

- Elayne Boosler.

"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."

- Frank Sinatra

I'd run miles just to be with you.

Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?

“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
Unknown

Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!

A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.

"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."

- Bridger Winegar