What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
“‘Welcome to winter,’ one said. ‘When fifty percent of drivers should have their licenses temporarily suspended.'” — Kelley Armstrong
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."
I scored when I met you.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
“I do an hour’s yoga and go running everyday. Then I see a picture of myself and I still look like a skinny, pot bellied idiot — and I thought I had turned into this superhunk!” — Chris Martin
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
“I don’t have a lot of friends but I have the best friends because I choose quality over quantity.”
— Unknown
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
How long have I loved you? I’ve lost track.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
Can you hold my gloves for me? I usually wear them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
What's a prisoners favorite building materials? Steal n cement.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be my first.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.