Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Roses are red, violets are blue, give me your number, so I can bloom with you.
The temperature can only go up from here.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Mooning is very ASStrological
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
Are you squiding me right now?
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's cuddle.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
A proctologist is about to write a something on his patient's notes but when he goes to take his pen out of his pocket he realizes it's actually his thermometer that's there.
He says, "Darn, some a**hole has my pen."
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint.
I stretched out my hamstrings, but every time I see you, I feel a tug at my heartstrings
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
Les Dawson
If it weren’t for the summer sun, you’d be the hottest thing ever created.
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
— Glen Cook
Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games.
But that's a Risk I'm willing to take.
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
You are so beautiful that you made me forget my pick up line.
“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”
Can I have your number so I can call when I need a ride to your heart?
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
On Thanksgiving, why did the turkey cross the table?
To get to the other sides.