What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.

What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.

If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.

Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!

Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!

Can I wear your plaid flannel when I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?

“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir

Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare

Hay girl, I'd like to have a stable relationship with you!

"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill

What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB

What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?

What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!

Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.

“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers

What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!

A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."

Once I did hear my brother call
The sun a giant fire ball.
How can that be?
For what I see,
Is something up high so small.

I see it at the break of dawn,
When it announces the day is on.
Its brilliant gold,
A joy to behold,
And being outside is so much fun.

John might be right, for I must say,
The sun is not so cool at midday.
Its shining light
Is just so bright,
I have to pull my eyes away.

Evening comes and it's so strange
How the sun still appears to change.
No longer small,
A bigger ball.
Its tone, now a lovely bright orange!

This curious ball hanging up high,
For me, raises many questions why.
But when it shines,
Then life is fine.
Thank God the sun is in the sky.

(By Abimbola T. Alabi)

What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.

Is that a discharge in your underwear, or are you just happy to see me?

Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!

Roses are red, violets are blue. There’s nothing in the world more prettier than you.

You must have been born in Pearl Harbor, because baby you da bomb.

“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown

What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.

“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”

- Hebrew Proverb.

Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.

How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."

What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.

“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke

I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant

I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.

Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.

“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown

Do you know what my shirt is made of? Husband material.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.

Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.

I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.

Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.

Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?

What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.

Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.

We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.

The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.

Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"