What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
Wanna see my norwegian wood?
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Do you run track? Cause I relay like you!
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
You can donate blood to me anytime since you’re just my type.
Fred fed Ted bread and Ted fed Fred bread.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
That’s a-may-zing!
Don't get caught elvesdropping on Santa!
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
We fit together like a gitch in a wedgie.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Water!
Water who?
Water way to answer the door!
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
I like my coffee like I like my men: either tall or with a confusing Italian name.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
You don’t like my winter pun? How cold!
You don't need to waste your time on that treadmill, you've been running through my mind all day.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Werewolves love their fast food.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.