What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
“The archer will walk up to you, give you a hearty slap on the back and a wide, friendly grin. Then he’ll greet you with a remark like, ‘How the heck do you manage to look so young when you’re as old as you are?'”
— Linda Goodman
If we raced, I would let you win, so I could get a good view from the back.
The was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
She played several jigs,
To her uncle's white pigs,
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Life is brew-tiful!
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
Have you ever driven a boat? Try to park it on my dock.
How will you make a baby astronaut fall asleep peacefully? Rock-et.
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
Owl always love you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.
The roses have wilted,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head.
Will you be the Flin to my Flon?
What did the skydiver say in autumn? I love the fall.
“If being awesome was a crime, I would be serving a life sentence.”
Anonymous
One should always practice what they peach.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You look like a donkey,
And smell like one too.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
Roses are brown
Violets are brown
Who crapped in my garden?
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don’t know about his brother who did research in monster making...
His name was Frank.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.