What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Do black and white count as colors?
It's a gray area.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
If I had a nickel for every time my roommate stole from me, he would have an extra $50.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
Do you know what rhymes with cucumber? Your number.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
It’s impossible to Rouen a trip to France.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
Honestly, I'm into necrophilia. Wanna come home and play dead?