So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
Do you believe in love at first set, or should we run it another time?
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
The bottom of the butter bucket is the buttered bucket bottom.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
Would you like to come over for tea and crumpets?
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”—Lee Judge
I am so dedicated to basketball, but I promise you I will bring that dedication to our relationship.
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Have you heard of the martial artists who fought on the beach?
They faced off in sand-to-sand combat.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
Life without you is like a broken pencil... pointless.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
If a purple-colored fruit gets stuck in your drain, then you should call a plum-ber to fix it.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
Is your name Pepsi? Because you sure are sizzling.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
Girl, your really good at this catch and release thing. Every time I catch my breath around you, you make me lose it again.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.