Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
You are unbe-Leah-vably gorgeous
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
If it weren’t for the summer sun, you’d be the hottest thing ever created.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,
buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.
My Grandad asked me how to print. I said "Control P"
He said: "I haven't been able to do that for years!"
I tried to write funny love poems for you,
I attempted as well some cute and silly ones too.
But it seems I haven’t yet learned how to rhyme,
So, I beg of you, honey, please give me some time.
One of these days, I will figure it out,
Until then, I hope that you will not pout.
Trust me, my man, you really do inspire me,
I’m just not good with words, as you can plainly see.
It’s not that easy to come up with love poems, you know,
So, for now, I’ll just find another way for my love to show.
(Unknown)
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
What kind of light goes around the earth? A Satel-lite.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Baby, you're so sweet you'd put Hershey's out of business!
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Why did the dragon cross the road?
He was dragged on by his mum.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
There once was a person named Ned,
Who had nary a hair on his head.
He pated his pate
and bemoaned his fate,
And went to hide under his bed.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown