Are you a cat? Because you're purrrrrfect.

If I supply the voltage and you supply the resistance, imagine the currents we can make together.

Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.

My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.

What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.

I want you for myself like Newfoundland has its own time zone.

Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”

Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.

Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!

What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon

It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.

How do you stop two blind men from fighting?
You yell, “look out, he's got a knife!"

Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!"
He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."

What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!

Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.

When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."

What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.

"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."

I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.

Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!

Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.

What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.

What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.

The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.

What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi

They figured it was the best way to break the ice.

I'm not wearing any socks. And I have the panties to match.

Lady, you mak me All Shook Up and wake my Animal Instinct

An unlucky skydiver's last pun: 'Ah chute!'

Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.

Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes

You are so hot that you light my morning sky with burning love

Wow, You must be the pretty princess the evil queen is trying to get rid of.

What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.

What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.

“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown

A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"

My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.

What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.

The heavier you are the more people are attracted to you
At least in physics.

How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.

Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.

Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.

Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.

What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.

I think you're barbe-cute.

Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.

What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.

I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.