What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
How about I perform a sort on your variables, and you can analyze my performance? If I were sin2x and you were cos2x, together we’d be ONE!
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
Roses are red,
Foxes are clever,
I like your butt,
Can I touch it forever?
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
I’m going green, if you know what I mean.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Our love, it has grown
Similar to your age
We have come so far
And have been through ups
And through downs.
Hopefully you can take
One more year of me being a clown.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
How do knights communicate?
They use chain mail.
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
You must be a banana because I find you very a-peeling.
Where does a cow hang his best paintings? In a moo-seum, of course.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Unicycle? Girl! How about U-‘n’-I cycle?
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends?
Czech-mates.
You must be a flip turn because I’m head over heels for you.
I can’t tell if that was an earthquake or if you just seriously rocked my world.
I like milk and cookies but I would rather have you.
Twinkle twinkle little star,
Point me to the nearest bar.