What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
Mooning is very ASStrological
Your beauty is blinding.
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey who tried to escape the roasting pan?
He was foiled.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? mistletoe.
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn’t — the road moved back underneath him.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
You have goat to be kidding me.
"What an egg-citing day."
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife."
You must be one spicy dish because you're making my heart burn.
Do you have raisins? How about a date?
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time to give you a kiss.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan