"Just looking on the sunny side."
A synonym for cinnamon is a cinnamon synonym.
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun - with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate… Well, here I am!
They can prohibit my alcohol, you intoxicate me enough.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?
They were cantaloupe farmers.
If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test, I'd have 83 cents.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
"Bone to be wild."
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
I want to read you from cover to cover.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I could work with the elves in the ribbon-tying department because I'm a pretty knotty girl.
There was an Old Man of the West,
Who wore a pale plum-coloured vest;
When they said, 'Does it fit?'
He replied, 'Not a bit!'
That uneasy Old Man of the West.
What's the opposite of urine?
I'm out.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jester
Jester who?
Jester silly old man!
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
I have an Epi-Pen.
My friend gave it to me as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.