There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?
“Aquarians are sort of unorthodox, original people — sort of wack, witty mad-caps who refuse to follow the crowd and go their own way.”
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
I love your energy.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
Can I have directions?
To your heart.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved
It’s completely unprecedented.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
If we raced, I would let you win, so I could get a good view from the back.
Grandmother is making the dressing, and is adding several cans of Chicken Broth.
Dad: "You know where you can get that broth in bulk?"
Grandmother: "Where?"
Dad: "The stock market."
He was promptly kicked out of the kitchen.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
“Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Cutest clover in the patch.
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
- A. A. Milne
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis