Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
If at first you don't succeed, try twice more so your failure is statistically significant.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Thanksgiving is over… Want to watch Christmas movies and chill?
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ima.
Ima who?
Ima horny, let's screw.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
It was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down.
Why does Foghorn Leghorn take it slow when April rolls around?
Because he’s no spring chicken!
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
You’re so beautiful, you make me feel like an arpeggiated chord… broken.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
You must be tired, because you’ve been running through my nightmares all night!
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
Are you German? Cuz you’re a Nein and I’m the one Ja need.
“At the end of a rainbow, there’s a pot of gold. But when the weekend comes to an end, there’s only a Monday.”
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
I hate to Gauguin, but I have to catch my flight.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
There’s snow one like you.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
Are you lonesome tonight? I can't help falling in love with you.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Are you an exoplanet? Because I’m bad at astronomy and pick up lines.
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
Stay true to your shelf.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Is it me or is there an interaction between us?
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear