I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap.
I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Without you, I’d disintegrate.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Hey is your name Cameron? Cuz I’d love a Camera-n to capture that gorgeous face of yours.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
"Back that glass up."
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
My love for you is like an exponential curve. It’s unbounded.
The square root of all my fantasies is you.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Hey girl, my gold medal might be shiny but it looks like a dull penny compared to that sparkle in your eyes
Nice asteroids.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
interrupting doctor.
interr…
You've got cancer.
Listen, I’ve got a couple important questions and I really need Samanthas
Oh, the heat! Doesn’t summer know – you’re all the sunshine I need!
If anyone says you’re a 10/10, they are lying, you’re an Ella-ven
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
Do you work for NASA? Because you're out of this world.
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
I beg your garden?
Happy birthday, you're not getting old,
Stay in the game, it's not time to fold.
Wrinkles and grey hair, are just a new look,
Countless experiences, you should write in a book.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!