Girl, your chromosomes have combined beautifully.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight!
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
Why did the Communist wait till the last minute to cross the road?
He was Stalin.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
You must be Gisele Bundchen’s twin sister. You know the one no one talks about because she’s more beautiful than Gisele.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
"Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry"
– Maria Bamford
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
Salty but sweet.
You have beautiful eyes. Oh, wait, those are your wings. Why you gotta be so scary?
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
A pretty lady wasn't on my shopping list but I can be spontaneous.
We should make like your parents and split.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
The way you wear that sarong, it should be called a saright.
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
We should get some coffee because I'm liking you a latte.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Donut take this the wrong way, but I just want to sprinkle you with sugar and spice.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.