What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
You remind me of a hot summer day
Some days I just can’t stand the heat
Yet here you stay
There are days I wish to be alone
Yet you follow me still
I love you woman, but let’s keep it real
Sometimes you remind me
Of a hot summer day
I love being around you
But at times I need you to go away
(Anonymous)
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
I was having a pretty boring night but now it’s looking a lot more Evelyn-tful
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Why don't we do it in the road?No one will be watching us
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
A wise man will know
finding a worm in a pear…
better than half worm
(Jan Allison)
I like Ronaldo, But I'd like to get Messi.
You are such a perfect arrangement of atoms.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
Are you Jewish? Cause you IS RAELI HOT.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
Treat yo shelves.
If you texted me every time I thought of you, you'd be blowing up my phone.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
If you had eleven roses and you looked in the morror; then you'd see twelve of the most beatiful things in the world.
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
Tell me of this thing you humans call... (dramatic pause) love.
"Sweet Tooth Andy"
Have you heard of sweet-tooth Andy?
Makes his bed with sugar candy.
And it never fails... by dawn
all of Andy’s bed is gone.
– Denise Rodgers
I like long runs on the beach.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
What is a Greek dog’s favorite dessert?
Barklava!
Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home.
You turn it on just before your guests come over and pretend that your house is always like this.
"The Porcupine"
Any hound a porcupine nudges
Can’t be blamed for harboring grudges,
I know one hound that laughed all winter
At a porcupine that sat on a splinter.
– Ogden Nash
I'm snow bored.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
Boy: (Mimicking the sound of an ambulance) Girl: Why are you doing that? Boy: It’s the ambulance. The paramedics are coming to pick me up after I saw you, my heart just stopped.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?
He couldn't stand all the racket!
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.