What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?
His name was Only One Cannoli.
What are a married man's two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
I’m not an astronomer, but I still promise to give you the sun, moon, and stars.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
It takes one to snow one.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
Lady, you mak me All Shook Up and wake my Animal Instinct
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
You’re so pharma-cute-ical!
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.