What's a lion's favorite color?
ROARange
Q. What did one artistic colored pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
I love you more than the sun and moon
I loved you since you left the womb
I love you though you are quite hairy
And I never find it scary
Even when you pick your toes
My love for you only grows
(Anonymous)
Did you hear about the math professor who was afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the dog cross the road?
Because he was chasing the chicken.
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
A young schoolgirl named Rose,
Is rather ashamed of her nose.
She distracts people's stares,
With the mice that she wears,
Hanging down from her clothes.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Hypochondriacs aren't OK
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
I bet you don’t talk to strangers. But, if you had my number in your phone book, we wouldn’t be strangers anymore.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
If it was 1984, and I was Big Brother, I'd only watch you.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
Our love, it has grown
Similar to your age
We have come so far
And have been through ups
And through downs.
Hopefully you can take
One more year of me being a clown.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Are you a doughnut? Because I find you a-dough-rable.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.