There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner.

There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.

When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.

I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.

What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.

What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!

I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.

A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.

What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.

"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller

How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.

Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.

Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.

What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.

I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.

Pretty lady, I guess wishes do come true, seeing as a boy like me met a a girl like you.

I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.

In the paintball game, I shot a guy thrice. He dyed on impact.

“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson

Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.

Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.

What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.

What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.

What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line

What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.

Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.

What is a Greek dog’s favorite dessert?
Barklava!

Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?

A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.

I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.

"My Shadow"

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.
The funniest things about him is the way he likes to grow-
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an India rubber ball,
And he sometimes gets so little that there's none of him at all.
He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close beside me, he's a coward you can see;
I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!
One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

– Robert Louis Stevenson

Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.

They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.

What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

Hi, Cupid just called. He wanted me to tell you that he needs my heart back. Would you do that?

It's been a hard day's night without your lovin', Oh darling.

Are you a practice room? Because I want you and I hope you're not taken

Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”

The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.

If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.

Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.

A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.

Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley

What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!

Here comes the sun of my life

Your name is insert name here?

How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.

What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.