“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lock
Lock who?
Lock who it is, after all this time!
There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
Side effects may include infatuation, racing heart, and lowered inhibitions.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
“Help…I’ve ran out of weekend!”
– Unknown
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
Hey, wanna be Jere-MY-ah?
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
You’re as sweet as Pi.
I like milk and cookies but I would rather have you.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
Your eyes look like dark black holes, buI can't help but to be drawn in.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes." — Emo Philips
Are you a cat because I'm feline a connection between us.
A space fish is usually called starfish.
"I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees."
― Pablo Neruda, Twenty Love Poems and A Song of Despair
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
You must have been born in an open cluster because you shine as if you were a young star.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Swiping can be such dangerous territory, but I think I’ve a Safe Harper in this match
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
My Creeper gets excited when it sees how hot you look.(Minecraft)
Eosin is red. Collagen stains blue. I’m stuck prepping slides, but thinking of you.
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!