We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
I was calling the hospital, but it seems they were busy. The picked up the phone and said,
"Urology department, can you hold?"
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
I used to have a scuba diving business
But it went under.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.
I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.
I heard the local flasher was due to retire.
But hes decided to stick it out for another year.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
"Oops"
Is that a mirror in your Bible? Because I see you reflecting Christ.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
You must be a neuron, cause you’ve got some action potential.
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
Your name must be Lucky Charms because you’re magically delicious!
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
You must be calcification on a non-contrast CT, cause you’re just glowing.
What is Forest Gump’s password? 1Forest1.
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Let’s put our tulips together.
Your hand looks heavy. Here, let me hold it for you.
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.