"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
Do you like my cologne? It’s derived from the musk gland of the industrious beaver.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
Hi, my name's Pogo. Wanna ride on my stick?
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
I never get tide down to one place when there's so much to sea.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Are you sure you're not a tower? Because Eiffel for you.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
I whale always love you.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face,
And someone else is in my place!
"Guess who I bumped into on my way to the optometrist."
"Who?"
"Everyone."
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I would love to show you first class.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why did the credit card go to jail? It was guilty as charged.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amish!
Amish who?
You're not a shoe!
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
You know, I don't need energy bars to keep me going.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
You are the object of my preposition.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I’d have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that’s you.
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
The basic rule in the bowling game is to ensure you leave no pin standing.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Wow, of course your name is Alice. Your body is a wonderland
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What is an astronauts favourite type of shirt?
Apollo