When a young adult goes to take a leak, does that mean they're a peenager?

There was an Old Person of Ischia,
Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;
He dance hornpipes and jigs,
And ate thousands of figs,
That lively Old Person of Ischia.

I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.

How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep

What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.

When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light

“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”

- William S. Burroughs.

What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing

Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.

"Mosquito At My Ear"

Mosquito at my ear—
does he think
I’m deaf?

– Kobayashi Issa

I’m not being obtuse, you are acute girl.

What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright

What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.

My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.

Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.

What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.

There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.

There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played
He never risked, he never tried,
He never sang or prayed.
And when he one day passed away,
His insurance was denied,
For since he never really lived,
They claimed he never really died.

After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"

“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”

What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.

What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.

"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."

Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.

I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".

I need an Imodium because I can’t hold in my love for you.

Alone in his pen.
Sits solemn and scared,
For they 'did in' his hen.

They took her off Sunday,
Then snuffed out her life.
And now he's alone,
Cause they've eaten his wife.

Thanksgiving now over,
He preens with relief.
He can muster a gobble,
Along with his grief.

He pecks round his pen,
For some 'scratch' sprinkled there.
Grows quite happy again,
Not remotely aware . .

That Christmas is coming
For family and friend,
And for Christmas, at dinner;
They'll eat turkey again.

- Diane Lefebvre

When facing trouble in the workspace, all the colorists rallied together by saying, "Come what grey, we will overcome all obstacles!"

Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.

Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper

What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.

I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.

Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.

Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.

"Dear Brother of Mine"

Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine,
You're just a year older,
which is perfectly fine.

There's no reason,
to worry nor stress.
Just relax,
and go play some chess.

I'm not saying,
your birthday should be boring.
You wouldn't want,
your guests to start snoring.

But keep in mind,
this day is all yours.
So forget about,
doing those chores.

Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine.
Enjoy your birthday,
the next one is mine.

What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

"Read between the wines."

What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.

The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.

I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.

Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.

“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher

The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.

If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?

You read, white, and blew my mind.

"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz