Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
Are you a photographer? Because I grin every time, I see you.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
If you shave your legs as well as that fennel, I can't wait to touch them.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
What did communists use before candles?
Electricity.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Well, I’m definitely Madel-interested
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
There was Old Man in a pew,
Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
But he tore it in pieces
To give to his nieces,
That cheerful Old Man in a pew.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Join me today, because I am in it for the long run when it comes to love.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
Are you Australian? Cause you meet all my koala-fications!
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Man to wife, “Blow out your candles and make a wish”.
The wife does but a look of disappointment crosses her face.
“What’s the matter,” he asks.
“My wish didn’t work.” she replies.
“How do you know already?” he enquires.
“You’re still here.”
I’m a man at a farmers' market. Of course, I’m a catch.
Copernicus was wrong, you are the center of my universe.
“I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty.” – Wendy Liebman
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
You must be a 90º angle. ‘Cause, you’re looking right!
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
I didn’t plan on specializing, but you seem pretty special to me.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Are you a sheep cause your body is unbaaaaalievable.