What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
I've seen a lot of Canada, but you could take me to the top of the world.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.
Kind of.. Kung Fusing
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
— Ogden Nash
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
If you think a meteor is hard, you should see what you are doing to my missile.
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
Hey son, do you know why the pilgrims ate biscuits at the first Thanksgiving?
Because they had a boatload of May-flour.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
*nurse flips on a light switch*
“The Doctor will see you now.”
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice be love that I'm feeling?
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.