You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
I beg your garden?
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird
Why did the doctor cross the road?
Hard to say really. Could be any number of reasons.
“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1973
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
You don't need to waste your time on that treadmill, you've been running through my mind all day.
If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test, I'd have 83 cents.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Baby, I didn't buy any fireworks this year, because you're the only one who lights up my sky.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little love right now.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Gold riddance.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.