It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
You're like my favourite chocolate bar - half sweet and half nuts!
They say that you can spike a volleyball. But you can never take away its dig-nity.
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lion
Lion who?
Lion on your doorstep, open up!
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
Why did the raccoon cross the road?
He saw you put out the garbage.
If you're here for pee jokes, urine luck.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff?
Because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.
Are you a unicorn cause you are my fantasy.
Do you wanna see a magic trick? Watch me pull something out of my pants!
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
I just wanted to make a good frost impression.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Are you the perigee moon? Because I’m so attracted to you day by day.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
I had a colonoscopy recently and believe it or not getting the camera up there doesn't hurt as much as you might think.
It's the crew that's the killer.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
You snow the drill.
Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.