What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Is your name Pepsi? Because you sure are sizzling.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
She sells seashells by the seashore.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Whoa, Domi-nice pics you got there
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My Wife is leaving me because of my obsession with cowboys
But that's ok this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
---
Acowboy enters the saloon
"Who painted my horse blue??"
A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.
"It was me, you have a problem with that?"
"No...I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating."
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Once I visited France,
And learned a new, awesome dance.
I twirled,
And I swirled,
And then I lost my pants.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.
Because it's made of hide.
I think you and I could make a perfect Caleb-oration
More candles means a bigger wish!
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.
She was really itching to get out of here.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.