Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
I’m fondue you.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism?
Because you're making me breathless.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
"Camping is a humanitarian effort to help feed hungry mosquitoes."
- Melanie White
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
I heard milk does the body good, but man, how much have you been drinking?
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
Your love will always be up to par.
I had my dad proof read an essay of mine back in High School. He said my grammar was a little funny.
Apparently I need to work on my pun-ctuation.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in India, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician?
When the referee gets paid at least someone wins.
Nice Skates...Wanna Cross the Blue Line with Me?
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"