What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Can I call you pia mater? Cause you’re always on my mind.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
You make me wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
You don't like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
There’s nothin like a fifth grade crush.
When you see that girl it’s such a rush.
She’s playin hop-scotch with her two best friends
Her hair flowin so wild in the crisp autumn wind.
She is like an angel in your eye
Wherever she walks the sun will shine.
Her beauty is that of the most pleasant flower
Just to have one minute with her shall seem like a hour.
So go talk to her you coward,
is what you say in your mind, but all you can do is just rub your eyes.
This girl you see has got you in a trance
Your head all caught up in this puppy love romance.
So who knows just go and give it a chance.
You never know what she might think of you so just walk up to her and play it cool.
But all you can feel is the sweat dripping from your hands,
your getting all nervous, your doomed!
You have no plan!
So as you gather your courage and your chest begins to swell,
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Thank you Jesus for they have rang the bell.
(Aaron M. Delao)
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
Even though there's no ball game on tonight, we can still slam it.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
Twinkle twinkle little bore.
Close your mouth, it's not a door.
You are just as cold as ice,
It is you that I despise.
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
I am cocoa-nuts about you.
We should get coffee sometime, because I like you a latte.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
Easter dinner was great today
We made sure it had all the crucifixins'.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
"You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini."
— Karan Johar
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
After I won the game I decide to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
When is it okay to Love thy neighbor? When her husband is away on business.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.