Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Do you wanna Ketchup over beer?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"Went outside today. Very hot. There were bugs. Zero stars, would not recommend"
Hey girl, you sure float my Ark.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
I got a valentine from a pickle today...
It meant a great dill to me.
Lawmen From Mexico Barbecue Guests
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Are you a dictator? Because you have absolute power over me.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
If a dog chews shoes, whose shoes does he choose?
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Woah! What’s the name of THIS out-of-the-world body?
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
My grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo.
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Are you a healing plant? Because Aloe you Vera much
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Whats the difference between the Bride and Groom In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Timing, what’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon?
Make them stub their toe.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
You're quite the catch, baby.