What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
There was an Old Man of Vienna,
Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;
When that did not agree,
He took Camomile Tea,
That nasty Old Man of Vienna.
Is your vocal range tenor? Because if there were tenor (ten of) you Iwould be very happy.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?
It's tide.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Skiing is believing!
What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
Where were you on the night of September to March?
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
I was worried you’d just be a pretty face, but Olivia looks real good to me
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you give three-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you better hope he likes it.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Til death do us part and then some, dear.
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?
It causes the microphones to rust.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.